


In the Shadows

by yurimaxwell



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:08:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25099675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yurimaxwell/pseuds/yurimaxwell
Summary: She had finally agreed to be with him. But only in the shadows.
Relationships: Eriol Hiiragizawa/Daidouji Tomoyo
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: CCS is owned by CLAMP

She stood by the window, bathed in moonlight. She looked like a goddess, raven curls tumbling around her, my blue robe looking strangely fashionable on her lithe frame. 

"You can't pretend that nothing happened." I sounded calm, even though I was anything but. I never once expected this evening to end this way. Her request to meet up was already out of the ordinary. The events that followed after definitely used to belong only in my imagination. I never once thought it could be reality. Maybe that was why I threw all caution to the winds.

"I am not pretending, Eriol. I just simply refuse to dwell on it."

"It was your first time."

"So? It doesn't change anything. It was supposed to be a one-time thing." 

"And if I want there to be more, Tomoyo?" She was perceptive, and I sincerely hope she did not hear the desperation I felt.

"That can be discussed." There was no hesitation in her voice. I didn’t know whether to despair or rejoice.

And so it began. On the outside, everything was the same. Same smiles, same polite masks. Same circle of friends. No hint of the passion and fire seen only behind closed doors. We were experts at this game, after all. 

I have loved her for a long time. Longer than she would care to believe. I have tried to wait patiently for things to change between us. I thought of myself as a patient man. What was time for one such as myself? But she had always been my undoing. She made me want things I know would only bring misery. In my desperation I welcomed anything she was willing to give, even if a moment of pleasure meant an eternity of pain. I no longer care. It was the only time she let me in, the only way she let me be with her, hidden in the shadows.

* * *

I sat, in the very early hours of the morning, watching the figure on the bed. She was very beautiful, dark hair spread like a blanket around her, covering soft pale skin.

I had wanted her for so long, wanted to feel her in my arms, hear my name on her lips as she cried out in ecstasy. I wanted to wake up beside her, have her be the last thing I see before I sleep and the first thing I see when I wake.

I have all of that now. And yet she is still out of reach. 

She came to me, telling me she wanted to feel what other people felt. It was supposed to be an experiment, a way for her to understand the couples around her. A way for her to understand her desires. I agreed. I was selfish. I was tired of waiting.

A part of me is thankful she came to me. I wouldn’t know what to do if I found out she did what we did with someone else. It wasn't enough to be her first. I wanted to be her last. Her only.

She opened her eyes and saw me looking at her. She didn't move or make a sound and just continued to watch me. It's pretty early still, maybe a good hour or so before we needed to go back, back to the masks and to hiding. She extended a hand to me, and I moved towards her and the bed. I lay down and she immediately pulled me close. It was intimate, almost loving. And for a second my heart beat fast. It was so easy to pretend. 

But I should know better. She willingly gives me her body, but never her heart.

* * *

I could feel his eyes on me, even before I opened mine. He liked to watch me, had always watched me since he got back. I had also watched him in return, but careful, always careful not to let any feelings show. He had an unfair advantage, with magic on his side. I needed to make sure that he did not know how much power he had over me. It wouldn’t do to give him more advantage than he already had.

He wanted me with a passion that almost melted the walls I had built around my heart. I was no stranger to heartache. After all, he wasn't my first love. I wanted to give him my all, give him everything that was already his. But my walls are there for a reason. I know I shouldn’t give in. Not until he too lets me in, behind his walls.

I loved him with an intensity that scared me. I never thought that love could also take this form. I did not want just his happiness. I wanted him to be mine. I wanted him to be with me for all eternity. 

But how do you hold someone like him? How can a mere mortal captivate the sun? 

He leaned towards me and his lips touched mine. It was soft, fleeting, but I could feel it move through me, all the way down to my toes. He makes me feel so much that sometimes I almost believe it was real. My hands moved up and pulled him close. I wanted more of him, wanted more of him in me before we went back, back to the masks, and to the hiding. I would take what I could get while in the shadows.


	2. Chapter 2

"Tomoyo-chan, have you ever considered being with Eriol-kun?"

"Why do you ask Sakura-chan?"

"You had always been thrown together when we were in school with all those student council meetings, events and school concerts."

"We were just in the same place at the same time."

"For other people, that is enough. And you have also been friends a long time."

"We are not other people. And I have also been friends a long time with Syaoran-kun. It doesn't mean there could be anything between us." 

"I still think that you two would be great together." 

"It would make everything too convenient, don't you think? All of us paired up." 

"It being convenient does not take away from the fact that you would be wonderful together." Sakura insisted. “Anyway, you don’t date anyone either.” 

“I guess I’m not really into dating. My business takes up a lot of my time.” 

“But you have time for me. And I know, sometimes you two hang out on your own. It might be a good idea to consider.” 

Tomoyo shrugged noncommittally. The card mistress sighed and let it go. Sakura knew they were meant for each other. She just hoped they would stop being difficult and realize that they both wanted the same thing. She had never seen two people more in love or more scared. She could only hope that in time, everything would be alright for them as well.


End file.
